At the VERY beginning of the summer, I was feeling very motivated. I felt like I could DO anything after coming off of a successful spring semester in school. So, knowing that I would be working full-time hours at caribou alongside with babysitting to continue to work toward buying a car (which is still a work in progress), I thought "oh what the heck, I'll take some summer classes too, it would be good to get ahead in my studies and to finish all of my liberal arts credits." what I should have said to myself was, "Slow down, sister."
Getting ahead in school sounds like a great idea. But this alone might have been what attracted me to taking these two classes in the first place. I thought that it was the right thing to do, and that I would be better for it in the end. Sure, I'll have 6 more credits completed by the time fall semester rolls around in about a month, but I don't think that this was the right decision for me. Things always look different in hindsight, and now, I am really beginning to believe it.
What I have learned (and I always seem to end up learning things the hard way...) is that you can go through all of the right motions--or what seem to be the right ones--but you're not guaranteed to get to where you want to be in the end. In fact, sometimes I feel like its going to take me forever to get to where I want in life because I am a perfectionist, I want to do everything the right way, when in fact... I'm doing it all wrong.
I've noticed that when people try to do everything according to plan, to what is laid out for them (by society? their parents? their friends? themselves?) that they end up losing sight of their goal because they are so concerned with doing things the 'right' way. And they are so infatuated with this idea, that they get in over their heads and end up falling behind.
I lost sight of many of my goals for this summer. I have ONLY finished ONE book this summer, and that was BEFORE I started summer classes. Along side with stressing over my classes, I've been working, and seeing my friends and family as much as I can...exhausting me in the process. I was supposed to go camping with my friends, go to Chicago, learn how to sail... none of which has happened. I was also supposed to be researching different PR firms, see what it is that they look for when hiring, and learning those skills. Has that happened? Nope.
I am a little disappointed in myself.
In my attempt to get ahead this summer, I feel like I've lost a flair for what it is that I like to and want to do...because Ive been so concerned with going BY the BOOKS, literally. These two measly summer classes have cost me a lot more than what the word 'measly' lives up to. But I think its time that I take that back.
Summer is going to go out with a bang, you just wait and see...
-Court
